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I wish I could tell you that my November was a breeze but it wasn't. In the midst of trying for things, doing my best, and falling short in other areas of life, I've been a bit lost. I've been hoping and dreading things at the same. Now, after 2 very busy months, my brain is starting to calm down.
The number of things to think about and worry hasn't reduced but I'm a bit too tired to care 100% about it all now. I want to slow down, enjoy journalling, and try to reach goals without pouring all of myself into it. In the end, it will happen if it is meant to be.
I believe that we attract opportunities and our effort makes a difference, but I also believe that most things are 50% luck. We can have goals to make new friends, get a new job, run a marathon, etc. but there is a certain amount of luck required for us to fulfil those goals.
Now that I'm almost 26 (December is my birthday month!), I can't help but think about all the small split decisions that led me to my current life. If I had been a tad bit more tolerant, I would have got into a different company (that turned out to be not good) and wouldn't have been at my current job. If I hadn't responded to a random Instagram message, I wouldn't have bonded with my closest friends.
It's not just my actions, though. There are 8 billion people in the world and the world feels too small with the ease of connections now. So, to cross paths with a person and become close to them is highly based on luck. There are different factors that play a part.
Over the last year, I've been trying for something that seems to keep going farther from my grasp. For the last couple of months, I've been putting all my effort into something that I don't know will make a difference. With all this trying, it becomes hard to accept that my effort doesn't guarantee an outcome. But that's how it is.
If it is meant to be, it will happen. I may be highly disappointed but it can turn out to be that I was trying for something that wasn't good for me. I regretted my impatience during an interview process for a long time until I realized that I actually dodged a bullet. It made me realize that even if I don't understand it, it's for the best.
Recently, I was having a conversation with someone about dealing with negative scenarios and people that will not work as a team. Throughout the conversation, I had a "it will work out, I will manage" attitude. I didn't have concrete steps or a proper direction, but I just said that it would be fine. They pointed out that I seem to be very positive and believe that the world is not against me.
I'm aware that I'm a glass-half-full kind of person (after a long time of being otherwise) but that comment made me pause and think about it. After that, I kept noticing how I use affirmations like "it will be fine", "we'll be okay", and "it's alright if it doesn't happen" to myself all the time. And I can say with surety that saying reassurances to myself is how I get through everything. It will happen if it is meant to be. It's alright if it doesn't happen because we've got something else of promise. If nothing else, we've got our loved ones and hobbies that give us joy.
Going into December, I'm trying to keep in mind that not everything is in my control and all I can do is do my best. And here I am, saying the same thing to you.
I'm sure that you worked on a ton of things in 2024 and maybe not everything went well or is even finished yet. Don't go into the last and most cosy month of the year lost in your head. Whatever happens, is for the best and as long as you tried your best, consider it a success.
https://embed.filekitcdn.com/e/cTGQ4x7nyrZgKCpnN7KnSq/mWpQihd3ZQT5hoGjcpmfRf/email
I was really looking forward to Hanya Yanagihara's new book but was disappointed. Here's why I didn't like To Paradise.
One of my favourite posts is from 2016 when I wrote a rant review of the movie Fallen. I reposted it so that you can enjoy it and laugh as well.
If you're looking for a quick cute romance book, Passenger Princess fits the bill. Check out my review of the book.
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