<aside> <img src="https://s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com/secure.notion-static.com/0af87683-118e-4873-b4ea-d3a47fbd7a39/quill-2.png" alt="https://s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com/secure.notion-static.com/0af87683-118e-4873-b4ea-d3a47fbd7a39/quill-2.png" width="40px" /> to read newsletter editions as soon as they’re out, subscribe to the newsletter!
</aside>
Lately, I've been thinking a lot about community. Not the larger aspect of a community in the world or where we live. I've been thinking about my community and what it means to have a community of one's own.
In the current day, there is the widespread idea that romantic partners should be everything to a person. That they're your ride and die, they fulfill every aspect of your life, and are the only one you need. Society centers everything around romantic relationships. It has come to the extent that most people crave to be in a romantic relationship even if they don't actually want it. It is because everywhere we look, we are told to pair up and find The One for us. And before going into romantic relationships, everyone has grand ideas of how the other person will fill all their gaps.
"We now look for our romantic partner to give us what a whole village used to provide. We saddle them with all our expectations. If we were living in a more communal structure, with more than one person around us who is important to us, who we matter to and who matter to us, we would be no less hurt by betrayal, but we wouldn't feel like we had lost our entire identity." — from Conversations of Love by Natasha Lunn
People throw ALL of themselves into their romantic relationships to the point that it takes high precedence over every other relationship. I've seen people around me pull away from friendships and groups once they begin dating.
I find this idea disastrous. All types of relationships are important. We shouldn't expect everything from one person or even a few people. All of us require a community made up of various people to thrive.
That got me to wonder: what exactly is the community that we need? How can we tell if we have the right relationships and have enough of them?
I don't think that having a small circle is enough as well. It is great to have a small circle of people you trust but they might not complement every facet of you. I believe that we should have at least one person to reach out to about anything—life, work, hobbies, and whatever else.
In my friend circle, not one person understands what blogging or running a separate Instagram account is like. None of them use Twitter like me. None of them read books like me. They're amazing to hang out with and I would reach out to them for anything but they wouldn't understand everything that I want to talk about.
So my community is bigger than my friends. I have my book club and I have blogger friends to talk to. I also have friends at work to hang out with.
We are made of so many parts and I really think that we need connections for each of them.
Knowing that you need more connections is well and good but how to get there? Trust me, we are all stumped at making new friends and only the best extroverts are good at it. And even they are figuring things out as they go.
Here are some ways to form your community: